How do I say those three words?
by Madriako
Summary: EO pairing. She can't deny it...and as her struggle to tell him exists, something happens to help clear the air for her. However Kathy is there, and she isn't happy to have her amily ruined again. Rating may change
1. Olivia, a bar, and a, well five, beers

My first SVU fanfic in years…be patient.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them, Lawd knows if I did Elliot and Liv would be having their fourth child by now, and Kathy would be eating out of a dumpster somewhere….with Casey for taking Alex's place.

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Friday July 12th  
10:53 pm

She could say that it was as if one day she woke up and realized that his blue eyes tantalized her, that his knack for breaking the rules made her fall, that his dedication to his job had her falling head over heels for him; but all of that would be a lie. A grotesque lie. So she simply admitted to herself what it in fact honestly was. She loved him, and probably had since the day they had met. Before he had been unattainable because of the fact that he lived a good Catholic life with his good Catholic family, and she had no need for religion in her own life. It had been far to depressing for her. And later, it was because they were working together, and not only would that put a kink in their relationship, but it would also ruin them both.

But now…as she was finally coming to the realization that her feelings wouldn't go away, that if anything they would grow stronger and stronger, it was too late. Not only was his wife pregnant, but he was going back to her. Like a Good Catholic should. She was proud of him, sure. Happy for him even, to a certain, lesser extent. But what was she to do now? How could she work by him, close enough to smell his cologne, near enough to feel his heartbeat, together enough to hear his thoughts; knowing that at the end of the day he would go home to his growing family, and she would go home to her empty apartment.

Olivia Benson downed the rest of the beer she was having at the bar, before throwing a twenty down to pay for it and the previous three. She turned towards the bar's door only to see the man she had seemingly conjured up walking through the doorway. She groaned inwardly, not even trying to hide as Elliot Stabler walked towards her, his brash smile glowing on his face. She gave him a weak one as she turned back and sat on the stool again silently resigning herself to a few minutes of chitchat.

"Sorry I'm late; Kathy's OBGYN appointment ran long. But look what we got as a result." Elliot pulled out a black and white fuzzy photo of an alien that seemed to have two heads and four arms and, "…Twins. Again." Elliot smiled again. Olivia gave him another smile before handing the alien picture back to him. She never understood what it was about the ultra sound pictures that made mommies and daddies get all weak and fuzzy in the knees. They all looked like aliens in her mind.

Still she smiled like the dutiful friend, before pointing to the bartender, who by this time in the night knew her well enough to know that she wanted another beer. It was retrieved quickly, and she took a mouthful, before shaking her head at Elliot, "It's alright. I was just here, drinking and thinking. Two things that probably should not be done together." She gave a small wry laugh before turning back to her beer.

"You ok?" He asked her, his blue eyes filling with concern and his hand coming up to rest on her shoulder. She was hyper aware of the heat and heaviness of his hand, and almost reduced to tears at the worry in his voice to match the worry in his eyes.

"Fine, El. I'm fine. Just been a hard week." He nodded at her reply, understanding completely. Though when it wasn't a hard week was something that everyone in the Unit had to wonder about. She ran a hand through her hair, blowing her bangs out of her face and wondering silently why she had ever decided to cut them in. Sure they looked good, but they were so awful annoying, she wasn't sure if they were even worth it.

"So, are the kids excited?" She asked, feeling that the silence was a little awkward, and also believing that if she made small talk it would be over sooner.

"They are pretty happy, yeah. Probably has just as much to do with me being back home as with the fact that Kathy is having twins. Kathy is upset because she's worried about money of course."

"Well, six kids are more than four."

"Especially with two in college."

Olivia nodded, taking another drag on her beer. She was tired, more than her share of buzzed, and wanted to get away from the blue eyes that were staring her down. Of course it was paranoia, but it didn't matter at the moment, she wanted nothing more than to be away from Elliot Stabler right now. She needed to get away from the small chat about the family she was insanely jealous of. They had everything, including each other, and she had nothing. She didn't even have Elliot anymore. She glanced at her watch; still too early to beg off due to exhaustion.

"Liv, what's wrong? Honestly, we've been working together too long for me to not be able to tell when something is bothering you." Elliot's voice hardened a bit, and Olivia looked at him, "I'm just tired. Really tired. I think I'm gonna go home. Not feeling too well anyway."

She threw down a five to pay for the fifth beer and stood, holding onto the back of the stool she had just vacated for balance, "You wanna ride, Liv?" She looked at him; those blue eyes, stubble that almost never stayed away, and concerned look on his face, and stifled her tears, "No, can you just call me a cab please?" She watched him look at her, and felt as though he knew everything about her. Slowly he nodded, "Yeah, I'll call you a cab. Promise to call me if anything goes wrong?" He asked, holding onto her arm as he led her out of the bar. She nodded, watching him flag down a cab, and obliged as he helped her in, leaning back and allowing him to tell the driver her address. It was silent for a moment, but when Liv didn't feel the door close and the car take off, she opened her eyes to find Elliot's face above hers, "Promise me, Liv. Be safe, alright?"

Olivia smiled at him, nodding again, before leaning her head against the seat again, and closing her eyes. This time she felt the door slam and the car begin to roll away. "Gonna be alright, Miss?" The cabbie asked her, probably more worried about the upholstery of his car than the actual woman sitting in it.

"Yeah, just please, take me home." There Olivia could drink and mourn her idiotic loss in the privacy of her own home.


	2. Elliot and his worry

**Disclaimer:** Again, not mine, Alex and Munch would be in a bathroom somewhere, constantly getting it on if they were. Not to mention random duckage…

Oh oh!!!! Maria is mine though…

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Monday July 15th  
8:13 am 

Elliot walked into the bullpen, late and rushing, throwing his things down onto his side of his and Olivia's joint desks before walking into Cragen's office and closing the door. The captain was on the phone, and held up a finger to silence Elliot while he finished.

"Yes sir. Yes sir. No it won't happen sir. Yes sir. Of course. Alright, I'll call you back when I find something out." Cragen hung up the phone before shaking his head at Elliot, "Bureaucracy. What can I do for you Elliot?" he asked leaning back in his chair.

"Have you seen Liv yet this morning?" Elliot asked, slightly worried. He and Olivia had planned on seeing Cragen early about a case that hadn't quite been closed up yet from a few weeks ago. They needed his permission to do something, and ever since the last IA investigation had decided that to safeguard themselves they would go through Cragen.

"No I haven't." Cragen looked at his watch and frowned, "Odd, she's usually in with the roosters. She beats me in here sometimes, and I swear I sleep here. Probably for the best though. She's been working way too much lately if you ask me. I had to chase her out Friday night. Try calling her."

Elliot nodded, "That's what's bothering me, I tried calling her all weekend and she never picked up. I sent her home half a beer away from smashed Friday night, and haven't heard from her since. Not odd in itself, although I've never really seen her that drunk, except for the fact that she's seemed a little upset lately, and she usually always answers her phone."

It was Cragen's turn to nod this time, but before he could answer the phone on the desk began ringing, "One sec." Cragen picked up the phone, "Don Cragen. Yeah, yeah. Sure. Someone will be out there in about twenty minutes. Where's the victim going? Alright. Alright, thanks." Cragen stood, "Business as usual, victim found in south Manhatten looks like she has been raped, tortured and then an attempted body dump this morning. She was found unconscious by garbage collectors about thirty minutes ago and was rushed to Mercy Hospital. I'm sending you and Fin to the hospital, and Munch and one of the new rookies to the site where the body was found. I'll keep trying Olivia until she gets here, alright? Don't worry about her, she probably just overslept."

Elliot nodded as he followed the captain out of the room. He would accept the overslept explanation, except for the fact that her eyes looked so troubled Friday night… He shook his head. She was fine. He grabbed his coat as Fin picked up his and they started out of the room, "Where's your partner?" He heard Fin ask.

He shrugged, "Not sure." And pushed her out of his mind. Worrying about his partner wouldn't get him anywhere right now. He needed to help the victim.

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Monday July 15th  
Mercy Hospital  
9:21 am 

Rush hour traffic in New York City left Fin and Elliot pulling up to the hospital entrance an hour after the call was originally placed. Elliot went in first with Fin trailing behind. Conversation in the car had been sparse, as neither one of them were talkers and it was eight o'clock on a Monday morning. Elliot went up to the registration desk at the ER and flashed his badge, "We're looking for a woman who was brought in about an hour ago, found in lower Manhattan?"

They watched the nurse painstakingly slowly looked through the names on the list before a frown came over her face, "Name?"

"There wasn't one, she had no ID on her."

"There was a Jane Doe checked in an hour and thirteen minutes ago. I'll go find you her doctor." The nurse said, heaving a large sigh as she pushed her rolling chair away from the desk and went into the maze of hallways behind a locked door.

_Sorry to make you do your damn job, lady…_ Elliot thought to himself as he stood tapping his foot. He found himself wondering once again about Olivia in the time of silence. He still hadn't gotten a phone call from either her or Cragen, and his worry was rising. He was distracted by the nurse coming out though, with a beautiful tall Hispanic woman holding a few charts. She gave them a smile, before pressing a buzzer and waving them through the ER doors. "Dr. Maria Guererra, I was the doctor on call when your victim was brought in." Her voice had a slight accent, and Elliot felt like she towered over him in her heels. They began walking down the hallway, Dr. Guererra continuing to tell them about the victim. He stopped focusing on her height and allowed her voice to take prime position in his head, "She came in semi-conscious, but not speaking anything coherently. We couldn't get her name or any contact information for next of kin or anything."

"How is she?" Fin asked.

Dr. Guererra hesitated in her steps momentarily, catching eyes with Fin, then continuing on, her voice slightly lower, "Stable, in critical condition however. She lost a lot of blood. The attack was brutal, and whoever attacked her more than likely held her captive for a couple of days. There is no way that the injuries she sustained where all done within a day. At least two, maybe three, unless there were multiple attackers."

"Any DNA?" Elliot asked, as they turned a corner. He watched the doctor swipe her ID card, and they entered the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital.

"We were trying to keep her from bleeding to death, Dectective. We weren't too worried about fluid samples. I think that someone may have gotten nail scrapings, but we were trying to keep her alive." Surprisingly, her voice had none of the acidity that doctor's normally had with the SVU detectives who came in asking for DNA samples and rape kits to be done before anything. She said it as though it were a simple fact of life, and managed to actually sound apologetic for not having done a rape kit first, "She's unconscious right now, and I can't promise you that she will be awake anytime soon, but this is her room."

They had stopped in front of a closed door, and Dr. Guererra opened it, walking in and placing the chart in the tray at the foot of the bed. Elliot and Fin walked to the side of the bed to examine the woman's injuries. Her skin was pale even under its slight tan, and her brown hair lay haphazardly around her head, has though it had tried to escape what had happened to her. Blood and saline fluid leaked through tubes into an IV attached into the back of the woman's hand which lay bare on top of the while hospital blankets that covered her. Elliot closed his eyes and forced himself to begin looking more closely at the woman's features, which resembled a mixture of a human being and the Pillsbury doughboy. Her eyes and cheekbones were swollen, so much that Elliot believed that even if she was awake she wouldn't have been able to open her eyes anyway. Her lips had fresh scars, as though she had bitten them in order to keep from screaming. Her bare arms had more bruises on them than he could count, and her hands looked as though she had fought tooth and nail with her attackers.

And lost.

Elliot looked at her face again moving a few strands of hair away from her swollen eyes, and feeling the warmth that thankfully still radiated from the prone body. Tubes protruded from under the blanket and from her mouth, and he motioned towards them while looking towards Guererra for answers, "Her lung collapsed shortly after she was brought in. She's on a respirator now, the other wires are monitoring her heartbeat." He nodded at her short explanation, and looked at the woman lying down. His breath caught as he noticed a small scar on the side of her face. He took his cell phone out and punched a few buttons, taking a few deep breaths as the phone rang.

"Don Cragen."

"Captain, you can stop looking for Olivia. I found her."

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Ok...Chapter three is being a little troublesome. Read and review. tell me what you think up to this point, and know that Chapter 3 is coming. Thank you Thank You! 


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